How Do You Know Your Spiritual Teacher/Healer Is Ethical?

Apr 9, 2012 by Kate Strong

There’s good and bad people in every profession, and some sectors of the helping community have associations behind them that require accountability.

Not so with spiritual healers and teachers.

And there’s plenty of them out there that show no accountability for their behaviour, even if what they teach and offer is really worthwhile.

In fact I have had to have healing myself to deal with the crap I’ve endured from certain teachers. That’s the catch 22 about it. You want what they have to offer, you want the knowledge and healing, but it’s quite clear that they are self-will run riot.

So how do you know your spiritual teacher is ethical?

Something I tell all my clients when they ask me what they should get healed, or get healed next, is to go by what you feel. Drop down into your heart or your gut rather than analyse it from your head. This is also true for working out whether the person offering the healing/teaching has a moral compass and it’s pointing in the right direction.

If a teacher makes you feel awful, is arrogant and egotistical, or treats you like a child, there is no way that what they have to offer is important enough to endure their treatment. If your bullcrap detector goes off, trust it, just because they have a level of credibility in the community does not mean you have to put up with dodgy treatment. And don’t let them tell you it’s your stuff. It always helps if your healer is on a path of healing themselves.

You may ask why someone would put up with bad treatment? Well the information might be what you want but you don’t realise in your open student or client state that you are being walked over, because perhaps it reminds you of what you had to put up with in your childhood, or you just don’t have strong enough self esteem to say No, or maybe you feel you’re going to miss out on the knowledge. The information is enticing.

The other thing to ask yourself too is how accessible is that person. Not so you can take them hostage with your questions and realisations, but is there a fortress around them so there’s no way you can access them outside of your session? Or do you get monosyllabic replies to your queries?

There is one teacher in my life who really brought this issue into the light for me, Mark Silver, from http://www.heartofbusiness.com His integrity, warmth and accountability really helped me to see that the end does not justify the means and helping is an act of love.

So look for a teacher/healer who embraces you on your journey, they don’t have to be perfect, but you will be able to tell that they have their ego in check.

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13 Comments

  1. Hey Kate! I just wanted to comments and say hello :) I’ve studied with Anna, Slade, Lisa, Rose—many people we share friendships with on Facebook.

    I wanted to offer that I truly believe people should dowse their healers and teachers. I’ve had a few teachers in the past that I wish I had dowsed prior to receiving their guidance. I’ve also had clients who have received healing from individuals who told them some pretty terrible stuff during their session.

    Great to meet you and I love your blog! – AJ

    • Kate

      Thanks AJ for stopping by. I think sometimes its hard to know who are the good teachers when the material looks very enticing.

  2. I wish I knew the answer, Kate! For example, the teacher I learned cord cutting from taught me a whole lot, but she was a little crazy when I began having one-on-one sessions with her.

  3. Lisa

    Hi Kate,

    Thanks so much for writing this insightful and helpful article. I quite often wonder why healers hurt as much as they help and if I was the only one having this experience.

    Is it because a lot of healers have a lot of their own issues that they’ve yet to fully address and heal themselves? It becomes a really mixed bag, for sure.

    I’ve been hurt, helped, and traumatized by quite a few healers (including coaches and psychics, etc).

    For instance, I had an uncomfortable and unpleasant one on one session with Rose Rosetree, the cord cutting author. Although she seemed pleasant and friendly and laughed a lot, I found her to be impatient, patronizing, on the strange side, power-tripping, controlling, and with quite a big ego to boot.

    I had the hardest time following her and understanding what she was saying and she became rude and impatient and unprofessional, in my opinion.

    Nothing is worse than not feeling good and seeking out a healer to assist in the healing, only to come out feeling worse than one started. )-:

    I wanted to get a cord cutting session with Rose, which is why I contacted her in the first place, and it didn’t happen during that session, and so I was torn about whether or not to have a follow-up session with her, even though I felt awful during and afterwards.

    I was enticed by Rose’s knowledge, being that she is the author of the definitive cord cutting book, and I thought maybe I am exaggerating on what I’m feeling. But after reading your article, I realize that my red flag radars are going off and I should listen to it and not second guess myself, even if this is with a relatively well-known spiritual healer and author.

    There are a lot of these healers who seem to be great in a large audience type of situation and/or when doing interviews, but then one on one it’s a totally different ball game and they aren’t as pleasant, kind, patient, or whatever they seem to be.

    I’ve noticed, too, that quite often these healers will talk about avoiding the very things that they are doing. It makes you feel you can trust them when they seem so ethical and caring and loving, and yet one on one they can be so arrogant and egotistical and pompous and rude. And yet they talk about how one should not practice healing in that way in their books and interviews and classes. (Scratching my head).

    It’s do as I say and not as I do?

    How do these healers have such a large following when their egos aren’t in check?

    Anyone else feel the same way as I do or have experienced similarly?

    I am curious if AJ is referring to Rose in his post as the teacher who taught him cord cutting, but was a little crazy with the one on one session? If you’re reading this post, please let me know. If yes, it makes me feel like I’m not the only one feeling this way after the private session with her and my intuition is actually accurately guiding me.

    Your services sound great, Kate. May I ask you who taught you the cord cutting technique you provide?

    Thanks again for the great post!

  4. Lisa,

    I’m glad you commented on this type of occurence, and more specifically the situation with the particular person you mentioned.

    I wanted to say that you are not the only one who had those experiences. I used to send many clients her way until I received many complaints about her manner in sessions (controlling, impatient, egotistical, etc.) I think your intuition is serving you well about the dynamics at play here. Some people got a few sessions before they realised something was way off with the way they were treated.

    I was not going to comment on this because I was taught as a child that if you’ve got nothing good to say, keep quiet, because it can come off as nasty or jealous. But I’m tired of hearing about this experience from my clients, and regretful that I sent any clients in the first place, so I thought I would finally comment.

    There are many good healers and psychics out there. AJ mentioned a few of them. Kate is one of them. I also love Slade Roberson’s work. He’s a psychic.

  5. I have just found this thread.

    What do you guys think when spiritual teachers who act ‘crazy’ also state that they are enlightened? I cannot believe that people would just make that up about being enlightened, and yet the behaviour they exhibit does not seem to me to be congruent with enlightenment!

    • Kate

      Hi Claudia, its very grandiose to assess yourself as enlightened, very egocentric and megalomaniac.Dont you just do what you do, how can you assess you are enlightened? Wondering if this person has also created their own scale of what characterises enlightenment. And perhaps named other people in that category. Its more like narcissistic if you ask me lol

  6. Rosine

    Lisa,

    You’re not the only one!

  7. Kate I really appreciate your post, only someone with ethical standards would do this. It is amazing how so many people jump in the frying pan before checking the temperature! Cause so many jump in and get burnt! Your gut instinct and research should guide your decision.

    • Thanks Stephanie, we are sort of wired to obey authority, so anyone who says they are a teacher we end up reacting to as if we were back at school. We may want the information and think we have to put up with bad treatment to get it.

  8. d.

    I disagree with what you say ” go by what you feel. Drop down into your heart or your gut rather than analyse it from your head” bc often psychic mediums are very nice and tell you what you want to hear and make you feel wonderful, but in the long run I found that they were completely off off and their readings were not connected to reality.

    So even though they made me feel great during the reading, it doesnt mean they have psychic abilities above the average person on the street. Im sure they had good intensions and believe that they give great readings, but they dont. And Im not talking about cheap 10$ psychics, but rather ones that charge 300$ and you have to book months in advance.
    In fact my experience is the expensive ones were never worth it. the less expensive ones were right on the money and I wouldve been happy to pay them more.

    • d – I still believe a part of you knows the truth even though youre being made to feel wonderful in the reading. Thats why I say drop down into your heart and gut.

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