Are You A Passive Communicator?

I just read this awesome book called Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk  and I’ve really found some wonderful points in it.

I Don’t Matter

I felt like the author was describing me. Lol

You often hear about passive-aggressive communication, but he talks about just passive communication.

Passive communicators talk as if others matter and they don’t. It’s not conscious, it comes from a core belief that others are more important than they are.

Decisions

When faced with a decision that you both need to make, the passive communicator will side with what you think. Because what they think doesn’t matter.

To the point that they just want to move on from the uncomfortableness of there perhaps being an opportunity to put their needs forward.

They will say things like “Oh whatever you want, I’m fine, oh that’s OK, I’m all good, no that didn’t hurt, no I’m not upset, no I don’t need to talk about it, whatever you want, wherever you want to go, I don’t care where we go, whatever you want to eat, I’m good, in fact I’m great.”

Passive people want to keep the peace and don’t like to be seen as having needs or making problems. Their goal is about self-protection.

The author says in fact they are lying cowards.

Ouch!!!!!

Fear

Passive communicators are afraid of a lot of things, like, they won’t be liked if they are seen to have needs, that they think other people will think they are a bad person, they are afraid of what people will do if they find out they have needs, and, one of the worst things is that others will think they are selfish!

They believe it is noble to hide how they are feeling, which only perpetuates the anxiety because no one truly knows the truth about them, because they are putting on a façade.

Had Enough

Eventually they will have enough of absorbing people’s selfishness, and in the long term the lies can’t be maintained and the truth has to come spilling out, perhaps in an act of aggression, and the relationship will probably come to an end.

Perhaps what they can’t own is that they are indeed just as selfish as the people they end up resenting, they just cant own it in a way that allows them to feel safe about getting their needs met.

Are You A Passive Communicator?