Kindness vs People Pleasing

In our world today, the lines between kindness and people pleasing can often become blurred. People pleasing is a behavior that we may be too familiar with: it’s when you go out of your way to do things for others in order to gain their approval or make them happy. Kindness on the other hand, is an act of generosity done without any expectation of receiving something in return. It’s important to know how to differentiate between these two behaviors as one can end up hurting us more than helping us.

People pleasing can start off innocently enough but eventually it becomes an unhealthy habit where we constantly feel like we need to please everyone around us or risk disappointing them. This can quickly take a toll on our own mental, emotional and physical health.

It’s important to recognize the differences between these two concepts so that we can foster more meaningful connections with others while still taking care of ourselves first and foremost.

Defining Kindness

Being kind and people pleasing are two behaviors that are often confused for one another. However, the two concepts have very different meanings. Kindness is defined as a spontaneous behavior or act of goodwill that is not necessarily expected nor demanded from someone else. It involves doing something nice for another person out of respect or admiration without expecting anything in return.

Defining People Pleasing

People pleasing is a behavior that many of us are familiar with, and yet it’s often difficult to define. People pleasing typically means putting the needs of other people before one’s own self-interests and desires. It can be seen as an act of kindness toward others, but it can also become problematic when taken to extremes.

At its core, people pleasing is rooted in the desire for unconditional acceptance and approval from other people. It may look like doing things out of obligation or fear of saying no, giving in to demands even if they don’t align with our values, or simply not asserting ourselves because we don’t want to rock the boat. When excessive and without boundaries, this behavior can lead to feelings of resentment and exhaustion as well as compromise our own mental health.

Effects of Kindness

Kindness and people pleasing have some similarities, such as sharing with others and being pleasant. But are they the same thing?

When it comes to kindness, it is an act of true generosity that involves no expectation of something in return. It can make us feel more connected to those around us that we care about. Kindness takes effort; however, its effects are positive for both giver and recipient. The effects of kindness can range from feelings of happiness in ourselves to an increased sense of trust between family members or even strangers.

Effects of People Pleasing

People pleasing on the other hand is often a response to external pressures. People pleasers may find themselves trying to meet unreasonable expectations from others or feeling like they need approval from those around them in order to be accepted.

People pleasing is a behavior that is often encouraged, but it can have serious consequences for the one doing the people pleasing. It might seem like an act of kindness to put other people’s needs before your own, but in reality it can lead to feelings of anxiety and depression.

People pleasers are more likely to experience low self-esteem and be taken advantage of due to their willingness to do what others want them to do.

People pleasers often find themselves in difficult situations because they are afraid of disappointing or offending someone if they don’t follow through with a request or give into demands.

Identifying Differences

When it comes to helping others, there is a fine line between kindness and people pleasing. While both actions show compassion and understanding, they have different purposes and outcomes. Identifying the differences between kindness and people pleasing can be difficult.

Kindness is defined as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. It involves making choices that come from a genuine place of wanting to help without expecting anything in return. People who are kind take action without any thought of personal gain or recognition. They happily put themselves out there to help who they can because it brings them joy in knowing that their efforts made someone else’s day a little better.

While people pleasing is more likely to be a learned behaviour from childhood, as a result of needing to please a parent. To the person who is doing the people pleasing it may feel like they have no choice but to people please, it was a way to keep themselves safe as a child. So to do anything other than people please may feel extreme, because to a child it would have felt like good or bad, life or death.

Being helpful and available, at the expense of oneself, is how they survived as a child. So it does feel like a survival skill. But that is the inner child’s feelings and there are other ways to meet your need for connection and safety as an adult.

Applying Learning to Life

Living life is a learning process and one of the most important lessons we can learn is the difference between kindness and people pleasing. Though these two concepts may seem similar, they are actually quite different. In order to understand how to apply this learning in life, it’s important to first understand the distinction between them.

Kindness is defined as the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate towards others while people pleasing involves making decisions or taking action based on what will make other people happy rather than what benefits you or will make you happy. The key difference here lies in intentionality – kindness comes from a genuine desire for good for others whereas people pleasing often stems from an ulterior motive such as fear of rejection or a need for approval from others.

Conclusion

The debate between kindness and people pleasing is a difficult one to reconcile. While the two concepts are often related, it’s important to understand that each concept has its own set of merits and drawbacks. Kindness involves extending yourself for someone else with no expectation of anything in return, whereas people pleasing is often rooted in fear or insecurity.

When making decisions about how to act, it’s important to consider both the short-term and long-term consequences of your actions. While people pleasing may offer temporary relief from uncomfortable situations, it can lead to resentment or guilt if expectations aren’t met or if you sacrifice too much of yourself for others.

In contrast, kindness can have a lasting effect on relationships as well as personal growth and development. Ultimately, being kind means taking responsibility for your actions while also respecting yourself and other peoples boundaries.