The Productiveness of Stillness

To Do List

We had a holiday weekend this past weekend in NZ, I managed to get quite a few things done that I hadn’t planned to get done, and I got nothing done I wanted to get done. I sort of zoned out or found myself sleepy around those tasks on my list.

I couldn’t work out why I wasn’t doing them, because a part of me liked doing what I was going to be doing.

I seemed to have a lot of miscommunication and also spending far too long on jobs that should have worked out in a straight forward manner, but they didn’t.

Frustration

I was frustrated as hell because I couldn’t make anything work out. Coupled with the fact I have strained my psoas muscle (the big muscle that connects your torso to your legs) and so I’m hobbling along and taking pain killers at night.

I have my list of books I want to read, I have a ton of work I could be doing, I couldn’t even really watch a movie right through, and time was ticking away and I felt very unproductive.

Meditation

On my Sufi course we partner up and in doing Remembrance with my partner, I realised that I was very uncomfortable with stillness, because it was valuable time that could be spent doing something on my to-do list.

I have many A-type personalities around me, who are very busy all the time, and I feel very affected by the work week energy that you just get up and at ‘em and push the pace forward.

Problem is I am hobbling forward because of my sore psoas.

Everything else in my world was conspiring to slow me down at the moment. And I hated it. I feel anxious with in-activeness.

I realised in meditation that it’s a paradox about Stillness. It is productive, but not in that masculine energy way. I find the day energy very yang, and so it forces me to move, but my body wants to be still to recover from this strain. It’s very easy for a sensitive person to be swept up in the hustle of the city energy.

Beliefs

All my beliefs are being challenged, that you only get something done by pushing hard, overachieving, and driving forward. Often times I wake in the night and have all those yin energy moments, where I have insights and thoughts about realisations about what direction to head in, but I have them at night, because I don’t take any time in the day to be Still.

Those beliefs in me are changing about the hard work this country was founded on, the house doesn’t get built if you just meditate on it. You have to take action.

But there is a pause between the in-breath and the out-breath.

Can you be Still in the thrust forward energy of the day?