Abandoning My Body – The Journey Back To The Goddess

After doing a cord cutting session with a significant person in my life I have started to live further down in my body, the lower chakras, not just in my head. I find it very easy to not be in my body, I can be off in the ethers or my thoughts and emotions. But to feel my body has felt quite scary most of my life. Of course I have to be in my body for some things but the older I have gotten the easier it has been to be more sedantary and zoom off out of it.

I had childhood operations and abusive relationships but I think the trauma that sent me packing out of my body was having an abortion 8 years ago. At the time I was very much in the Goddess culture but for some reason that only is becoming clear to me now, I abandoned the Goddess, as much as I abandoned myself.

Spirit always finds a way to get you back on track, if you only take notice. I have had a string of clients lately where the Goddess energy has come through, so how could that not be healing me?

To love the Goddess is to love oneself as a woman, and for 8 years I have had very little love for myself, especially my body. But my body is calling me into action, to look after it better. And while I spend more time doing yoga and listening to the language of my body, I am slowly coming back to myself.

And a lot of the time it’s painful emotionally, mentally and physically. I have the spiritual down pat, but the messages of my body are something quite new to me. And if you feel your body has betrayed you like I have felt, then you don’t trust that your body could tell you anything that would lead to some kind of peace and understanding. Afterall it’s so needy.

The more I stretch out the constriction and repression of years of holding myself in so that I can’t feel myself, the more the Goddess enters once again. Her wisdom, her love.

Perhaps now I can accept this energy and not reject it with the harsh eyes I have looked at myself for 8 years. And make peace with my body and work with it and not against it. I have made peace from a spiritual perspective, but not for my body. I am my body as much as I am my soul.

It feels more pleasant to connect with myself at a soul level, but my body is screaming at me for attention.

Now begins the journey to explore myself through my body.