If There Are No Bad Parts, Why Do We Pray? An IFS View on Divine Connection

I’ve been listening to Richard Schwartz, the founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS), talk about spirituality — and it made me wonder about why we  pray and how it intersected with IFS.

IFS teaches that there are no bad parts. Every part of us, even the ones that act out, shut down, or self-sabotage, is doing what it can to protect us. Beneath its behaviour lies a positive intention — to keep us safe, loved, or in control. When we meet these parts with compassion instead of judgment, they begin to trust the deeper presence within us — what Schwartz calls the Self.

And yet, if the Self is already wise and compassionate… why do we still feel the need to pray?

1. Prayer as Connection, Not Correction

Traditional prayer often sounds like a request for help or forgiveness — as if we’re asking a higher power to fix what’s wrong within us.

But through the IFS lens, prayer isn’t about correction; it’s about connection.

When we realize there are no bad parts, we stop trying to pray our flaws away. Instead, we pray to reconnect — to remember who we truly are beneath the noise of our protective systems. Prayer becomes less about saying, “Please make me better,” and more about whispering, “Help me remember the love I already am.”

2. Prayer as Co-Regulation with the Divine

One of the most healing aspects of IFS is how our parts begin to relax when they feel witnessed by the calm, steady presence of Self. Something similar happens in prayer.

When we pray, we allow ourselves to be held by something larger — whether that’s God, Spirit, Source, or simply the field of Love that connects all life.

In that moment, our anxious parts, our striving parts, and our lonely exiles can rest. Prayer becomes a sacred act of co-regulation — our system syncing to the divine nervous system of peace.

3. Prayer as a Bridge to Self-Energy

Sometimes we’re too burdened to access Self directly. A part of us might feel disconnected, scared, or unworthy. In those moments, prayer acts as a bridge — a gentle way to open the door when it feels too heavy to push.

When we reach out in prayer, what we’re really doing is creating space for Self to come forward. We might think we’re calling to God “out there,” but very often, we’re awakening God “in here.”

4. Richard Schwartz: Self as a Portal to the Divine

In his later work, Schwartz speaks more openly about the spiritual nature of the Self. He describes Self as the “drop of God within” — not separate from the Divine, but a living expression of it.

When we are Self-led, we are embodying divine qualities: calm, compassion, clarity, courage, curiosity, creativity, connectedness, and confidence — the 8 Cs of Self-energy. He often says that healing isn’t just psychological; it’s sacred. Each time a part feels safe enough to unburden, it’s like a fragment of the soul returning home to the light.

In that way, IFS mirrors the spiritual journey described in so many traditions — the movement from fragmentation to wholeness, from exile to belonging.

5. Prayer as Relationship, Not Hierarchy

IFS invites us to be in relationship with all our parts, not to dominate or silence them. Prayer is a reflection of that same principle — but on a cosmic scale. It’s not about hierarchy (“I’m small, and You’re big”) but about relationship (“I am part of You, and You are within me”).

Even when we’re fully Self-led, we still long for relationship — to feel our love moving toward something beyond ourselves. Prayer gives that longing a voice. It’s our way of saying: I remember we belong to each other.

6. Prayer as Gratitude and Reverence

When Self is fully present, gratitude naturally arises. It’s not something we have to force — it’s a spontaneous awe for being alive, for being aware, for being loved. In that state, prayer becomes an expression of reverence, a celebration of the Divine both within and around us.

We might not be asking for anything at all — just saying, thank you.

7. Healing as a Sacred Homecoming

In the IFS process, as we witness and unburden our parts, something profound happens: we experience love that doesn’t have an agenda. It’s the same love mystics and saints have described — the kind that doesn’t need to fix or change, only to embrace.

When Schwartz says, “There are no bad parts,” he’s describing the same truth many spiritual traditions point to: that at the deepest level, we are all worthy, all loved, all connected to something infinitely compassionate.

And maybe that’s why we still pray — not because we’re broken, but because prayer is how love keeps itself alive in us.

Examples of Prayer Through the IFS Lens

IFS doesn’t replace prayer — it deepens it. Here are a few ways prayer might sound when we bring parts-awareness into it:

• From a fearful part:
  “Dear God, I’m scared of what’s coming. Please help me feel safe.”
  (Self might gently respond: “I see you, fear. You don’t have to face this alone. I’m here with you, and so is the Divine.”)
• From a striving part:
  “Please help me do better, be stronger, achieve more.”
  (Self might say: “You’ve worked so hard to protect me through achievement. You can rest now — your worth was never in question.”)
• From an ashamed exile:
  “God, I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve failed.”
  (Self whispers: “You are loved exactly as you are. There is nothing to forgive — only to hold.”)
• From a Self-led place:
  “Thank you for this breath. Thank you for letting me witness my parts with love. May all beings feel the peace I feel in this moment.”

These prayers show how communication with the Divine can mirror our communication within. Every part’s voice is welcome. None are wrong or unspiritual. Prayer becomes a dialogue — not between a sinner and a saviour, but between love and its reflection.

8. Returning to Wholeness

When we pray from Self, our words don’t come from fear or striving. They rise from peace. They remind every part within us that it can rest, that it can trust, that it is already home.

So perhaps prayer and IFS aren’t opposites at all. Prayer is the language of Self — the soul’s way of remembering what it has always known: that we are not separate from the Divine. We are expressions of it.

In the end, we don’t pray because we have bad parts. We pray because every part of us longs to remember that it was never bad in the first place.

If you would like 20 IFS based morning prayers to start your day click here.