Kate Strong's Blog

He called you Darling and Sweetie and Love.

He seemed into you, he was a good listener, he wanted to do things you wanted to do.

He was calling and texting every day.

You stopped going out with your single girlfriends to places to meet guys. You stopped dating other men.

And it appeared as if he wasn’t seeing anyone else either. He never gave off that vibe, after all he was checking in everyday. He wouldn’t have had the time. You made plans together.

You were sure you were both on the same page.

Then you found out you were WRONG.

He was either seeing other women or he had a girlfriend. He didn’t plan for a future together, he was just playing it by ear, day by day.

You had decided all this based on his behaviour, but you realise that no where did he ever say that he was into you in the way you wanted him to be. You presumed that because you felt that way then he probably did too.

YOU NEVER ACTUALLY ASKED HIM!

Why?

Because you were operating out of fear the whole time.

You never had “that” talk with him because it felt as if you might scare him fully away if you had a serious talk when you were having such a good time.

You didn’t want to talk about the terms of your relationship.

He might have backed off if you had.

But because you played it this way then you missed out on a key ingredient. You didn’t put yourself first.

Unless you were leaving it to chance or playing it by ear. ( I don’t know too many women who aren’t secretly wanting their relationships to move forward to a deeper connection)

But a man also knows you aren’t putting yourself first if you’re not having that talk or requiring anything of him.

And if it’s all about his needs and not about yours, because you’re too afraid to tell hmi what your needs are, then if he’s not had that talk with you then he’s probably taking you for granted.

So instead of doing it on his terms, being supportive of him, tell him what you want and put your terms forward.

Chances are he will find this highly attractive because he will realise that you value yourself, then he should too. And if he doesn’t then he’s not the man for you.

So put yourself first and you’ll never be fooled by a man again.

If you’re reading this then yes, you are in a karmic relationship.

You are on planet earth.

And unless you live in a cave high up in the mountains with no friends or family or contacts then yes, you’re in a karmic relationship. So let’s define karma. Most people think of it as some kind of payback system, like “you’ll get yours”.

It’s a bit more than that.

We have karmic debt and karmic credit.

Meaning you either owe someone or you’re owed. And its not until this karma has been worked through that you don’t need to be on the karmic journey through life here on Earth.

We carry our soul karma in our energetic field. So what you sense in someones energy field is partly what their soul has carried into this lifetime as well. It’s not a checklist some external God has and we have to keep doing good to erase that list.

It’s with us all the time in our energy field.

So our karmic fields draw to us other souls and situations that resonate with our karma. Souls are energetically drawn together and unconsciously play out past life scenarios together. After all history repeats itself until its been worked through and healed.

Our relationships in this lifetime are the tip of the iceberg. What presents itself is only what is on the surface and what is under the water level is our eternal ongoing relationship with that soul.

Our karmic relationships are designed to achieve unconditional love. Whether you work through this together or achieve this apart, that soul relationship will bring you in some way to a level of unconditional love. Not love for that person but working through the karma.

It’s not until we work through these karmic relationships and reach a level of transcendence that we can step out of the karmic wheel.

One of the main reasons women in particular contact psychics about relationships is because distance in a relationship creates anxiety.

It’s not so easy to quell that anxiety after you’ve just been broken up with. In those initial days after a relationship break up you run the gamut of emotions. Shock, denial, anger, sadness, emptiness, loss.

At an emotional level it’s really easy to understand why you’re feeling that way, but at a spiritual level you’re still energetically connected very strongly with your ex. Those energetic connections we form with everyone we come in contact with, or even think about. But if you’re in an intimate relationship with someone that energy is very strong.

So here’s a list of what not to do:

Don’t be stalking him.
Don’t visit him.
Don’t send him a barrage of emails and texts.
Don’t contact him, despite the fact your whole body is screaming out for him.

That’s a no-no.

If you can try and refrain from spending all your time obsessing about him, talking to all your girlfriends about him, and ringing psychics about him. I know that’s hard initially but its an ideal. Work up to it.

But…

Get out of his psychic energy.

And here’s the key why.

You want him to miss you.

You want him to notice a change in energy without you. If you’re in his psychic space he’s not going to miss you. By psychic space I mean that every thought emotion and feeling you have while still being very energetically connected to him, is going to have some sort of impact on his energy.

So even though it feels counterintuitive to what you want to do.

Don’t whatever you do contact him.

So that initial week or two after the breakup you want him to miss you.

9 times out of 10 he will contact you.

This of course all hinges on whether he’s worth getting back. If he’s a drop kick thank your lucky stars hes out of your life and keep on walking.

I just read this awesome book and I always like to pass on information when I am impressed. It’s called The Secret Laws of Attraction – The Effortless Way to Get the Relationship You Want by Talane Miedaner.

Basically the premise is that we all have needs. And if we aren’t meeting them then we are putting out an energy of neediness and we are mostly put off by people who are too needy. It’s repelling. So if we make an effort to meet our needs in various ways, then we are more likely then to attract what it is we want in our lives.

When you meet a need, it goes away. So you aren’t vibrating at that needy level. It’s when we dont meet a need that we end up making choices that may not be the best for us.

Often alot of us are ashamed to have needs. We don’t like to ask others for help. We think this appears needy when in fact asking for help to meet your needs appears confident. It’s when we try to meet our needs underhanded that creates tension.

Here’s the quiz that will select out your top 4 relationship needs that you want to try and meet.

Relationship Need Quiz

Is this you?

When youre in a relationship you love to fuss.

You love to make him the centre of your world.

You love cooking his favourite meals, you love bringing him cups of tea, making sure that the movie you watch is his choice because you love pleasing him.

You love it when he drives when you go out. He has the final decision on what furniture to buy, what audio visual equipment you get, and you debrief his job at the end of the day. He picks the destination for a date, whatever he decides is ok because making him happy pleases you.

You love to defer to him.

You love putting his needs before your own, you love making him feel special.

Surely he loves you making him the centre of attention, afterall it feels great to have someone caring that deeply for you?

Here’s the thing.

Unless you’re really really wanting to do those things and its coming from a genuine place and not some passive need for attention and love and approval, then he’s going to know you’re not putting yourself first.

And when you put yourself last then in his eyes you value yourself less than you value him.

This is not about being selfless.

This is a whole lot more primal.

That instinctive/survival part of a man’s brain is going to decide you are not to be trusted, and may not be the partner for him.

He will know that if you can’t say no to him or stand up to him, then you are not going to be able to protect his children, or be able to say no to other men, or to other threats.

If you don’t put yourself first and value yourself more than you value him, then you won’t be strong enough in his mind to survive the obstacles in life.

All that fussing might be what we women want, but its not what a man wants.

He may dislike the challenge of being stood up to, but he will know you value yourself enough to say no in the face of adversity.

He will know you believe in yourself enough to back yourself up.

He can relax knowing you have confidence in yourself.

So unless you really feel like getting him that cup of tea, don’t do it, ask him to get you one lol

I mean sure, we know that forgiveness is for us, and not the other person, it frees us, but HOW do you actually do it? It’s not a case of saying, -I forgive you – just giving it lip service. Empty words.

How do you honestly mean it?

How do you forgive yourself?

I think forgiveness is the key to moving forward from the past to the future. It just stops things eating you up.

One of the fastest techniques I think, to get me there and create the shift to be able to forgive, to bring the focus back to me and not on what the other person did to me…

is Ho’oponopono….an ancient Hawaiian practise meaning reconciliation and forgiveness.

In 1976 Morrnah Simeona a Kahuna, adapted the healing tradition into a modern day practise and it has been brought to the west by Dr Hew Len. He has an amazing background, he healed a ward of criminally insane patients over 4 years using this technique. Google his name.

The essence of ho’oponoponpo is:

I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, Thank You.

Its a mantra we say over, meaning peace begins with us.

Dr Hew believes that if we take 100% responsibility for what we experience in life then we can go onto the next step where we say I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, Thank you.

We are in essence saying to the divine in us, I’m sorry for whatever it is in me that caused this. I’m 100% responsible so please convert all memories, blocks, debts, errors problems to nothing.

So if its in our experience, it is in us. If it shows up in our lives then we are responsible otherwise it wouldn’t show up.

100% responsiblity does not mean that it is our fault or we are to blame, but that we can only heal ourselves, we can’t heal another. But by healing ourselves we do our part for the collective consciousness and so therefore we are healing others.

If we are 100% responsible for the way we perceive the world, then in turn we will shift our perception and the world will change.

The way I see it also, is that we carry everyone in our lives inside ourselves. They may be out of our lives now but we still carry them within us energetically. I think starting off releasing ourselves from this person within us is a great start, its much easier to do than thinking we are giving the actual person permission to carry on hurting us like they did in the past.

Another technique you might want to try also is, each night for two weeks in bed, think of all the things you wish for yourself, great health, alot of money, great relationships, and then wish that for the person you cant feel you can forgive. Because what we can’t give to others we can’t allow for ourselves in our own lives.

This question has got to be right up there in popularity that I’m asked daily as a psychic.

I loved that word – soulmate – I used to edit romance novels,it’s that huge hook into the fairytales we were read as children. We will be cocooned in in a nest of love, rescued from all the bad stuff, and everything will be ok from there on in, once he’s by my side, sweeping the path before my every step. I can’t live until he’s here and I can’t live without him. My life has no meaning without him.

Oh I love it!!!

I want that too.

And he cooks and cleans and I don’t have to work and he knows my every thought and cares about how I feel every second of the day. If he’s away from me then he can’t wait to get back to me.

And he’d gladly give up the remote for me.

Reality check!!!!

Waaaaaaaa!!!!!!

I do believe we have a soulmate. In fact I believe we have a few more than one soulmate. I believe we have 7 billion soulmates. And then some.

Everyone on this planet is our potential soulmate.

But that’s not really what my clients are asking, they don’t want a relationship that they have to work at, a relationship that has ups and downs and hardships.

They want to be rescued from what’s going on in their lives right now. They want that romantic love, the euphoria where everything is a chemically induced high of connection, safety and engulfment.

But, chances are our soulmate is going to push our buttons big time, they may even be someone we can’t live with because all our issues are up in our face when we are around them. There is the chance though that if we do the work and grow within the relationship it can be a place of connection and love.

At a soul level we are attracted to people who further our soul growth. From a personality level it might seem too hard going but we’re talking about the evolution of our soul and learning our soul lessons.

You want to do the work, right?

Has this happened to you?

You meet a man, you have so much in common, you finish each other’s sentences, you have a love like no other. You KNOW he feels the same way. You can’t be away from each other. He tells you how he feels, and wants to know how you feel. This is it!! He’s the one. The one you’ve been waiting for. At last you’ve finally found him.

And then……

He wants to spend a night with his mates. He gets overtime at work and asks to do double shifts. There’s a really great football game on TV he wants to watch.

You’re left wondering what hes feeling because he doesn’t share that anymore.

And you notice that his belching after dinner which used to look manly and make you laugh, now seems disgusting, but you grapple with saying anything because you remember how you shared a laugh over it.

And the way he takes up 3/4 of the bed, which used to make you feel wanted and cosy, now makes you feel squashed and annoyed.

So what’s happening?

How could he go from spunk to punk when he was the love of your life?

For the first six months of your relationship your brain is awash with all sorts of chemicals, dopamine particularly, euphoric, as powerful as heroin. You’re so high you dont need alot of sleep or food. You’re blissed out.

Then around the 6 month mark, the dopamine starts to wear off. You both start to look normal in each others eyes again. The things you saw through rose coloured glasses look 3D now and not so inviting. You don’t just see his good qualities, you see what the dopamine didn’t allow you to take notice of.

You could bond with just about any man and the lamp post in this chemically induced state.

Youre also not trying so hard to impress anymore, putting your best foot forward is tiring and you just want to be yourself.

This is where the real work of a relationship begins.

And how quickly can he be here.

This is the second most common question I get asked after “What’s he feeling and thinking?”.  As if being on your own is the most gawd awful situation to find yourself in. I mean, if you can’t stand being with yourself for one minute, who else is going to be able to.

This also sets up rebound relationships which are way more intense than a normal relationship. Often they are relationships that we run to, to escape the last one, and we drag all those unreolved issues with us, just waiting to surge forth and comtaminate that new relationship.

If you haven’t dont the emotional work to get over the last relationship, then your energy is going to be not fully available, and you will attract someone who is comfortable with you not being fully present.

The rough guide on how long you need to process the end of a relationship is about one month for every year you were with that person. Probably more or less on how you handle moving on. But you’re well advised to take that time, otherwise sure as eggs you’ll have all those issues you haven’t resolved about yourself, dragged into the next relationship.

So slow it down, take your time and do the healing work to move forward, where you can stand in a place of empowerment, ready for a relationship when you feel like one, not because you have to have one or you will crumple.

Sounds pretty logical but it’s not!

This by far is the most popular question I’m asked as a psychic.

If it was that easy to ask him what hes feeling or thinking, then there’d be no need to ask a psychic. There’s a very common theme as far as this type of relationship goes, by the time I’m asked. Women get anxious when there’s distance in a relationship. When he’s silent and when he’s not communicating. For whatever reason it’s got to that stage, where the man chooses not to communicate his feelings or intentions, I know that only on the rare occasion all is well in their world. And he’s just the quiet type.

I think often times some women go for these types  in the start of a relationship, because he is mysterious, because he isn’t telling them what to do and smothering them, and because we want what we can’t have and him being a wee bit emotionally unavailable hooks us in. So when they want him to talk, thats not they type of guy they’ve chosen.

Initially in a relationship we want to see the other person the way we want to see them, we see the good stuff, that’s why we’re so delirious, but that initial romance novel stage always wears off. And often times the trait we liked in our partner initially is the thing that bugs us in the end.

If it’s got to the stage that you have to ask a psychic what he’s thinking, then there are more ingrained problems than just knowing the answer.

I’m not saying don’t ask, but be aware that not being able to ask him is part of your problem to start with.