Is Attack the Best Form of Defence?

I am getting down to healing some core issues, and one of the issues that I’ve had running in a huge way in my life is that simmering below the surface is always a feeling of having to be at the ready in case I’m attacked.

Psychic
As a psychic I get attacked for what I do periodically. Some of those attacks are vicious. When I first started doing psychic readings I was attacked so bad that I stopped doing readings for 2 years. I thought I was incompetent and useless, because that person must have been right in what she said. I try to be honest with people and I just assumed she was too. Not so, she treated all new psychics like that on the site I was doing readings on, I was fresh meat and I believed her.

Harden Up

Every psychic I know has to deal with this, and I just learned to harden up, and have a strategy to deal with it. I couldn’t be crying in my soup every time I had someone have a go at me. Easier to just end up with another layer of a wall around my heart than to feel so sensitive.

One finger pointing, three pointing back at me

I was always so aware of having to protect myself that I never saw how I was also making cutting comments, having attacking thoughts, and it culminated in my sending a very disgruntled email to a teacher of mine. He may have moved on from it, but I haven’t, I can see that I hadn’t learnt what I needed to learn, and I felt truly sorry, but deep down I wasn’t prepared to feel defenseless. It’s a dog eat dog world.

Healing

This past week I had a hugely profound healing and I healed a conflict which felt as if it had been around my whole life and then some. Women righteously attacking men and the patriarchal society, and men attacking women for being females and inferior. This war has raged on inside me since forever. I would play out one side then the other. I could never win. This is the relationship I was having with myself.

Vulnerability

To sit in my vulnerability and not prepare to be attacked leaves me feeling exposed and so at the mercy of the Universe.

I feel like a newborn.

To be able to automatically go to my heart now instead of my anger feels strange and I feel a bit lost, but I also feel alot freer and open to the possibility that there may be a whole lot more love come my way than attack, and I in turn can be more loving and not so defensive.

Do you have your guard up in the ready?