Kate Strong | Intuitive Healing
Painful Goodbyes

The Most Painful Goodbyes Are The Ones Never Said


I have this quote by Rumi as my signature in my email – “Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation.


It feels comforting for me to know that at a heart level I have a connection to my friend who passed away 3 months ago.


But I was spiritually bypassing. Avoiding my emotions and going into the spiritual realms too fast.


Body/Mind Split

A lot of my inner conflicts are based in my neck. The junction between mind and body.


I have been doing a lot of acupressure lately for different issues I have and the release points all seem to be in my neck. The flood gates have opened.


Not Speaking

I have written before that my friend and I had daily contact for 26 years, a lot of that was by email. We didn’t have to speak because we just knew each other so well.


But there in lay the problem.


We didn’t speak.


Near the end we would talk on viber, but still it wasn’t fully connecting at that heart/throat chakra level.


She went downhill so fast that I never got to actually say Goodbye. That’s why Rumi’s quote was comforting, but still I was avoiding.


Speaking Out Loud

I’ve been doing a Sufi healing mentorship course and Dr Jaffe made it clear that it was important to speak your feelings to the person involved. I realised that I had been avoiding talking from my heart for so long.


It was safer to talk from my head. Its how we talk in my family of origin, and speaking in a passive, non threatening way was how I drew less attention to myself and survived. It was also easier to write my feelings than actually speak them.


All is not lost though, you can still speak your feelings, even if the person is gone, or if the person is just not able to handle you speaking your feelings.


So I started talking, to the open space around me, imagining I was talking to my friend, I sobbed Goodbye, I realised that I couldn’t say Goodbye to her because I had so many Goodbyes stored up inside me that I had never spoken.


Those Goodbyes don’t go away, they are waiting to be spoken and released. I remembered something I heard decades ago, the sentences you haven’t expressed are sentencing you.


I had never said Goodbye to my ex 7 years ago. We had an initial conversation when we broke up and then we never spoke, all dealings were by email. I realised I had spent 10 years with this man and never said Goodbye.


I had never said Goodbye to the baby I aborted 13 years ago. I had never actually said those words. I had done so many processes and released her on so many levels, but I had never spoken those words.


Saying those words and speaking your truth allows those feelings to release from your body, otherwise you could end up with any number of illnesses.


A Heart Connection

I feel as if I have moved from the shock of my friend dying to a lovely warm feeling in my heart of connection. I was still stuck in the shock of her passing, which affects the spleen, the shock absorber in life, and I can move out of that stuckness on an emotional level to a bit more ease in my heart, which is where the Soul connection is felt.


I know this is a process, and I may have to revisit saying Goodbye all over again, but I feel more able to say those words now as there’s not so much of a backlog anymore.


I love the etymology of the word Goodbye. It means God Be With Ye.


Is there someone you haven’t said Goodbye to?


Here’s a video from my favourite movie –

Kate offers Healings and Intuitive Guidance. She offers sessions in the Emotion Code, Body Code, Cord Cutting Past Life Healings, Soul Healings and more. She offers these by email.


  • Debbie Wilkins

    This was a beautifully written blog, Kate, and I resonate with it in many ways. Thank you.

  • Hamish

    The rainbows dancing on my walls from the sun shining through crystals hanging in our windows speak to me and I need to and will speak back ~ thanks heaps Kate 🙂

  • Sarah

    Kate your blog touched my heart. So true that people that we love from our heart are always connected where ever they are . Saying goodbye is important I had not thought in that way . Tears in my eyes as I actually say goodbye to those in my past . Quite a feeling of letting go .
    Thank you .Love Sarah.

    • Kate

      Hi Sarah, thanks for your comments, I feel honoured that it touched your heart.

  • Jude

    Beautiful, this will help me, thanks Kate.

  • Diane

    I look forward to getting your emails you always are so very candid and I love that. We all can relate in some way and it feels good to find some who lives in the truth of the journey and not candy coat it, in which can make us feel inferrer or guilty for not having the same thoughts or feelings. Your doing a great job sharing your soul with us. I appreciate it beyond words. Hugs from across the map and time zones.

    • Kate

      Thank you Diane, it sure means alot to me, you totally get my intention for why I write. To show Im on the same journey myself.

      I have to tell you I checked my phone in the night and this notification came in and I gasped a bit. Diane is my friend’s name. 🙂

      • Diane

        Now it is my turn to gasp I can’t tell you how many times I write a comment to only delete it after I reread it. I started reread that one and I barely was done and I hit send now I know why I finally did it. I don’t believe in chance I think things happen for a reason and I’m glad I finally did send after seriously, at least two to three yrs of following your news letters faithfully.
        I love that something so simple as having the same name can be validation from our loved ones that they hear our heart and want us too know they heard us, is such a gift to share. Thank you for sharing that. It made my night.

        • Kate

          Yes, you are so right about validation, Im glad you hit send swiftly. It was the first time I really spoke to her, on the day she passed her partner said to me to talk to her, she will hear me, she may not reply as fast as she did before. Of course I believe and sense for others, but when it comes to myself its different.

  • Juliet

    Kate, I’m having trouble posting.

  • Juliet

    Oh good, it’s working now. I thought it was because the video won’t load on the slow broadband I’m on, out of town. This is what I wanted to say: how wonderful to have connected with your grief and allowed it to start releasing as you say goodbye. Wishing you well with this tender process.

  • Jane Valencia

    Thank you for this post! I’ve spoken — silently — to a number of family and friends who have passed on, but I’m not sure that I’ve spoken aloud to any of them, particularly when there is a sense for me of “unfinished business” or lost chances for a final and full connection. Blessings on your journey through the mysteries of grief.

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